The Ramblings of Daily Life

I'm still here at the junction you left me, Shaken about and a little dusty. I am ready to be treated the way I was shown, eight years ago. I've watched the trains passing by,  with cars full of happy people, drinking tea and cheery. My soul burns with infinite regret, each time i see the tracks left behind me. While I sit here frozen and time itself, seems to run past me just a little bit faster. Perhaps it's too late for me,  to catch a little light before it all burns red. Your lips on mine were fire, in the warm summer nights and now your voice is a siren. We are doused out and smoke is dissipating, into the ether where my mind rests. Sinking beneath satin sheets and fluffy pillows, I am still in this place where you left me.

The other day, I used the last of my SpongeBob tear free Bubblebath.  Hopefully, it won't present a health hazard because it's one of those items that has lingered on for years and years.  I actually remember buying that bubble bath with Richard in a local Wally World back in 2009.  In honor of Richard's memory, I used the last of the bubble bath. I told my parents I was going on a trip with my friends for the weekend in the summer of '09.  At the time, I did not have a car of my own and it was a big deal for them to let me drive their car.  Equipped with my Motorola Infuse phone (yes, flip phone), I used VZW navigator to drive 191 miles down i-85 S until I approached the wasteland of strip malls 61 miles north of Atlanta.  The Jefferson exit was christened with a single Publix.   I arrived in a cookie cutter neighborhood, where I picked up Richard.  We had to keep things obscure, of course.  He introduced me to his friend, Emily as his ...

  Photo taken on Asheville Trail I believe that people change… well some people do.   Over the course of my life, so far, I’ve known a lot of people.   Some on a superficial level, some in great depth.   I’ve spent hours listening to stories over wine, commiserating about life’s obstacles, empathizing with shared vitriol over those who think differently.   I think it would be hard to find someone who says they don’t want to change for the better. We all set lofty goals for ourselves in the hopes we will get somewhere new.   I’m going to lose that weight, I’m going to stop drinking, I’m going to put myself out there, I am going to move.   I, too, have fallen victim to these aspirations.   They sound fluffy and they lift your spirits. However, without appropriate action, they are just lip service.   Changes are not made in sweeping movements, they happen each day, with little baby steps. It’s easier to accept the status quo when we embrace ...

I look in the mirror and feel unbeautiful.  A flat soda pop on the counter, I can't stay bubbling for too long before I spill over or deflate. My genes are hard these days. My soul is diamond rough. I can gush over us through fiber cables.  Want to make it real? Still it can't be effusive enough to maintain my stares.I'd rather play chess with my liquor or indulge in purchases.I could enjoy the company of dear friends who I know see me.Is it worth the trouble to get out there again?  Can't I just spend the summer evenings safe and liquored up? Through another dry, cold winter and another simmering summer, as my body and my face ages. I am betraying my self with fear and numbness, hating that whether I feel good or bad, I choose to indulge in comfort, all the time.  My own bed, my own secrecy.  I desire you and I want you to pull me close, feel my tender heart. Know that taking time away from my little world is a choice I seldom make.  Someone to appreciate ...

Go away Give me a chance to miss you Say goodbye It'll make me want to kiss you I love you so Much more when you're not here Watchin' all the bad shows Drinking all of my beer I don't believe Adam and Eve Spent every goddamn day together If you give me some room, there will be room enough for two (two) -Leave Me Alone (I’m Lonely), P!nk   We actually met in the Wal-Mart parking lot.   What is this, a trailer trash nightmare?   I was a freshman in college.   I was huddled up in my dormitory and we found eachother… online.   The last relationship ripped me to shreds.   I guess dating an ex-Mormon with horrible self image problems that he would constantly project on me wasn’t ideal.   Then again, how was I to know?   My experience was so limited at the time.  My few exposures to the dating world were not exactly positive. So as we walked through the Wal-Mart and picked out our steak and potatoes to cook in my kitchenette (how...

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have tried numerous meal delivery services.  I have tried both grocery (Hello Fresh, Blue Apron, Sun Basket, Dinnerly) and prepared (Daily Harvest, Veestro, Factor 75) services.  I have to say, I am the most impressed with Factor 75 . First of all, why switch to prepared services?  I realized that I enjoy cooking, but the meals that are sent out by the grocery meal services are pretty one dimensional (Potatoes, Carrots, Meat).  Even the more interesting ones seem to repeat the same vegetables over and over.  I will say that if you are interested in grocery meal kits, they all have different pros/cons.  My favorite overall was probably Sun Basket, since I am a health conscious buyer and their packaging and ingredients were quality. I switched to prepared serviced so that I could have an easy meal with controlled ingredients and I wouldn't be rushing out to the nearest Sub Shop every day to find something to eat for lunch....

  A boulder on my back and a pit in my stomach. Churning in the wee hours of the morning.   Could I achieve a few more hours of busy, static sleep? Casual life of the unacceptable.   Can I listen to your quiet voice among the brazen? Sweat brandished into the sheets.   I fucking hate you with every fiber of my being. I want to destroy your feelings.   Then I’d just be, or I’d just slip into the catacombs of emptiness. Behind a wall of distraction.   The hurdle of inspiration seems to be getting beaten down. Over and over and over.   Carrying the boulder, Until you are ready to let it fall.    

…and not so bad for anyone else either. I have been experimenting with meal services lately in an attempt to facilitate a healthy lifestyle change.   Over the years, I’ve used Blue Apron, Hello Fresh, Green Chef, Sun Basket… and most recently, Daily Harvest.   I decided to give the prepared ones a try since I prefer to cook dinner separately or order something out.   My meal service meals are great for a quick, healthy lunch.   Veestro intrigued me because I am interested in eating more vegetables and less meat, and the food looked tasty.   I ordered the Chef’s Choice, Customer Favorite’s with 10 meals. I have to say, overall I was impressed with the taste, quality and portions.   It was the perfect amount of food, flavors were generally great, and you often forgot you were eating vegan.   First, I tried the Breakfast Burrito.   This was actually quite good.   One thing I noticed is that usually the microwave instructions were a lit...

Words stuck at the tip of my tongue. Anger, anguish, fear. Struck is the whipped cream on a cocktail of emotional pain. I am a popped balloon. You compared the two of us. Your sister’s eyes said so much. Deep down I knew.  Deep down I knew. I wanted to be righteous. I waited, I chased, I fought to the acerbic end. Ripped to shreds, waiting For a scrap of pity from you. Eyes glued shut with yesterday's tears. I wanted to appease you, So I could hate you properly. Violent voices sprung at the ring of my phone.   Cowered into A corner, I leapt up and ran. I threw things.  I tore away. I vowed never again, never again. History I can’t rewind. I see myself in you, baby. I had so much to learn. It's going to hurt like hell. Solitude, rugged individualism, A wall so high no heart could climb, My antidote. Let's stop the doors from closing off. You're worthy, you're worthy. You must be kind.  Grow humbly, with bright eye...

When I was younger, I used to play The Sims to escape reality.   I would create my characters, build them houses, get them married and have kids.   To what should be nobody's surprise, after a couple of days, months, years in Sim time, I would get tired of the family and move on to a new one.   The fun part was the creation, the newness, the God like powers afforded to you in the interactive simulation game.   I spent many of my weekends engaged in this universe, safe and removed from reality.   During this time, the PC was conduit for me to escape.   Later came MySpace, Discussion Forums.   I think most of us had our favorites.   I used to watch American Idol religiously, and I would participate in Idolforums (I think they had 18,000 users).   We had our own culture and way of conversing.   I even taught myself how to make "blendies" and "avatars" in Adobe Photoshop (is that what they still call them?).   At the time, these dis...

Growing up in the Information age, discovering my newfound sexuality, and going through all of the normal craziness that most teenagers do, I spent many years trying to project myself outwardly as "someone".   The problem was, this was hardly a genuine projection.   It was essentially a mask I wore for external validation, a façade to please others in spite of myself.   Most of my childhood, I was extremely introverted, and I ate whatever I wanted.   Food, social media, and computer games were drugs I used to deal with my feelings of loneliness or dejection.   I also didn't care much about what I looked like.   Once I started putting a little more energy into what I was eating, I was able to lose some weight.   To no surprise, some people started to pay more attention to me.     In college, I used to eat a s'mores pop-tart and drink coffee every morning.   I fell in love with the selfie and stopped using my DSLR.   Also...