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Showing posts from April, 2020

Condo Shopping

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We all need convictions.  We can’t recall the past correctly, so we fill in the gaps.  We can’t predict the future, so we imagine.  I would never give up my imagination for anything.   The fact that I still have the ability to dream is the biggest blessing.   However, I must not confuse dream with prophecy. I vacillated back and forth among various living situations in the last several years.   I rented by myself, with roommates, in high-end communities, low end communities, lived at home.   Changing my environment was one way in which I reset myself for a fresh beginning.   Every time I thought about purchasing a home, I could not make up my mind about what I wanted.   A nice townhome in the city, a fixer upper in the burbs, a house in the country?   I let everyone else’s opinions shift my attitude towards what I wanted back and forth.   I toured a bunch of different places, but I seemed to always find an issue so...

Bath Meditations 2.0 – Fiscal responsibility and Lifestyle

I am writing this after having gourmet steak tacos and homemade banana pudding cooked in front of my eyes by my roommate, Jacob.   Seriously, the three medium rare steak tacos, with skillet cooked fresh salsa bathing in cilantro and lime juice and homemade lime crema on a fluffy tortilla bed was pretty delightful.   As I wait for my banana pudding to cool so I can enjoy the slightly soggy Nilla wafers among the delectable banana pudding, I am writing this entry. I’ve had a drama free roommate for the past year and it’s been fantastic.   Honestly, it was nothing like I expected.   When I first moved home after college, I was elated to get into my first apartment in the Southend, which was where the gays had polled was the homeland.   I am happy to report I couldn’t spend more than one year in a single apartment.   I even switched units in the same apartment to a smaller studio to address my insatiable desire for change (the unit was literally across th...

How are you still single?

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Sometimes, I am asked “how are you still single?”   Is it fantasy or is it fallacy?   My first reaction is always to recoil at being complimented in any way, shape or form.   At some point, I learned to brush away compliments (but that is another story).   I am definitely trying to un(re)-learn that behavior.   Accepting a compliment is affirmation.   What right do I have to deny myself of that?   I digress. Of course, this statement follows me around, mostly because I am keenly aware of the fact that I am single.   I feel like Hester Prynne walking around with the “S” label, but of course, this label is only in my head (purposely overstated).   In fact, I’ve probably felt this way for about, I don’t know, seven years.   That is how long it’s been since I’ve been in a “relationship”. I am cynical.   The first thing I feel when I see the constant gloating on social media from couples is to dismiss that as the “st...

Making Up With Myself

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The bath tub is my happy place.   The warm water surrounding my skin and the soft yellow light permeating from the side of the vanity allows me to escape the harsh exposure that the world necessitates.   For a few minutes, I can let myself fall into a trance, allowing the lavender suds to slowly dissipate until the water is clear.   Then I will slowly drain the water, and dry myself in stages, stepping out and feeling tender. Ritually taking a soapy bath is called being nice to yourself.   Foreign to me as this concept may seem, it has become a necessary part of my life.   The bath is a jacuzzi and it engulfs my whole body.   I can fully submerge myself and keep just my eyes glazed over the water so I can see the reflection of the faucet rippling across. These moments where I check in with myself, scanning my body for strength, frailty, hope, witness.   Grazing across my skin, my hands recount the moments of the day.   In the safen...

MUNA - the meaning laced queer indie electro-pop band you should give a listen

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In 2016, during my normal discovery playlist on Spotify, I heard a bop I couldn’t get out of my head.  No, it wasn’t Shura, or Madonna, or Avril, it was a wonderful compound.  Personal, understated and addictive. What you've done to me Well I've seen many a friend be silenced Thinking nobody would believe them Well baby you've got another thing coming You can try to make me stop, call it delusion But every time I don't shut up, it's revolution; MUNA – Loudspeaker I think we’ve all been here.   One of those moments where you are you feeling yourself and you can’t let it go. When someone doesn’t love you the way a partner should and therefore, stunts your expression.   " I am a loudspeaker".   It was a recipe for love immediately.   An 80’s electro indie – pop band comprised of three queer girls.   The first EP was magical.   If I thought it was a fluke, I was quickly proved wrong.   “Winterbreak" is nothing if not magical. ...

Anything But Ordinary

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McAlpine Greenway The year is 2020.  It's April, although that is hardly believable.  A plague has set in and the world is panicking.  It's so surreal and unbelievable that my life, fortunately, hasn't changed all that much.  I woke up this morning and I made my coffee.  I spent a couple of hours watching the AM news and listening to music from the 90's and early 00's.   After seeing my friend's dope designer face mask, I ordered one from  https://shopjadesky.com/collections/accessories .  I figure if I am going to have to go out in public during this time, I may as well do so in style.  Plus, I can support a local business with my money.  Hers was shimmering blue, so I chose one a big more in-keeping with my plain style. It's astonishing that my life hasn't changed that much, and I am still listening to the same songs I listened to when I was a teenager.  Avril Lavigne's CD, "Let Go", came out in 2003.  At t...