The Ramblings of Daily Life

Growing up in the Information age, discovering my newfound sexuality, and going through all of the normal craziness that most teenagers do, I spent many years trying to project myself outwardly as "someone".   The problem was, this was hardly a genuine projection.   It was essentially a mask I wore for external validation, a façade to please others in spite of myself.   Most of my childhood, I was extremely introverted, and I ate whatever I wanted.   Food, social media, and computer games were drugs I used to deal with my feelings of loneliness or dejection.   I also didn't care much about what I looked like.   Once I started putting a little more energy into what I was eating, I was able to lose some weight.   To no surprise, some people started to pay more attention to me.     In college, I used to eat a s'mores pop-tart and drink coffee every morning.   I fell in love with the selfie and stopped using my DSLR.   Also...

Sometimes, I am asked “how are you still single?”   Is it fantasy or is it fallacy?   My first reaction is always to recoil at being complimented in any way, shape or form.   At some point, I learned to brush away compliments (but that is another story).   I am definitely trying to un(re)-learn that behavior.   Accepting a compliment is affirmation.   What right do I have to deny myself of that?   I digress. Of course, this statement follows me around, mostly because I am keenly aware of the fact that I am single.   I feel like Hester Prynne walking around with the “S” label, but of course, this label is only in my head (purposely overstated).   In fact, I’ve probably felt this way for about, I don’t know, seven years.   That is how long it’s been since I’ve been in a “relationship”. I am cynical.   The first thing I feel when I see the constant gloating on social media from couples is to dismiss that as the “st...